Thursday, September 02, 2004

Drop another bomb on your mosque


NEW YORK, NY--Noting with interest the song chosen to close the convention, your cybertrix thought the lyrics (above) to the piece selected were frighteningly appropriate to the ticket. What? Wait that's? You mean that's "love", not bomb? Are you sure?


No, I'm sure I heard "mosque". You say it's "heart"? But the rest is right, right? Just one word? Oh.


Let's try again. It's actually "Put a Little Love in Your Heart," which apparently has something to do with bombs, mosques and democracy in the Middle East.

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We are so screwed


NEW YORK, NY--Greetings from inside the hall where your president just spoke. With the hard energy of true believers piercing your blogstress's body armour (a rather arresting bustier that John Kerry, no doubt, would have declined to pay for), this your blogstress can virtually assure you: they're gonna win. (And we don't mean those guys nominated in Boston.)

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Help from the swing states


How disheartening to see yet another moderate carry giant buckets of water for the president. Tonight we witnessed pro-choice New York Gov. George Pataki laud President Bush just as the latter was to restate his regressive social agenda.


Particularly annoying to your blogstress was the show of bringing to their feet the delegations of the three swing states about which Pataki told 9-11 stories.

The stories were about truly touching displays of support: one thousand Oregonians coming to the city right after the attacks to take 1,000 hotel rooms in their bid to revive New York's economy; the young Pennsylvanians who gave up to a Brooklyn firehouse the $900 in savings they had set aside for a trip to Disneyworld; the Iowans who sent 100,000 quilts to rescue and recovery workers at Ground Zero. The annoying part was in the fact that Republican state delegations were taking credit for the acts of thousands of people, a few of whom just might have been Democrats.


Oh, I forgot. Democrats are the people who caused 9-11 and will let it happen again, so those good folks were no doubt all Republicans.

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Vote Bush or Die


NEW YORK, NY--It took quite an effort for your cybertrix to get herself inside the convention hall this eveing. And it took her a while to figure it out--why she was dragging her handsome behind. Then it came to her: Tonight she would watch a speech delivered to rabidly admiring crowd by the man who will likely be president for another four years. And you know how she feels about that.


Yes, siree, remember you heard it here first: These guys are going to win.


In contrast with the Democrats, the Republicans' message is tight. As Roger Simon said tonight on Lou Dobbs, the message is, "Vote for Bush or die."


Simon boiled the message down to its essence: "[I]f you vote for John Kerry, a man who misunderstands terror, who's an appeaser, who will sell out our country, Al Qaida will come to your home and kill you."

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Well, the food was good


NEW YORK (Central Park)--Okay, so one person's evening is your blogstress's morning. There was this party to recover from, the one at Tavern on the Green sponsored by the scary California delegation. (Think Orange County, not Hollywood.)


Your blogstress, having a background in journalism, certainly saw the food as the draw, and what a spread there was. No mere morsels here, but piles of jumbo shrimp, and pieces of lobster and a carving board and the most delectable smoked salmon your cybertrix has ever tasted. Your Webwench was so lost in the ecstacy of gluttony that she left her iBook in the coatcheck, and had to turn back once she reached Broadway to fetch it. (And that was after she had left her Washington Blade press credentials in the Ladies Room, for all those Orange County beauties to admire.)


The rightful owner of the pass that got your blogstress into this fĂȘte, a friend with such a rarified position that his identity must remain secret, got lost wandering a corridor while your cyberscribe was throwing her credentials around, and left a message on her cell phone: Help! I'm surrounded by righties!


In short, it was a long night that ended well into the morning, despite the live country music, a sound your cybertrix never imagined she'd hear at Tavern on the Green. As she left the place for good, a man was singing about wishin' he was fishin' with his dad.

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Who's on first?


NEW YORK, NY--One of our favorite blogs is TVNewswer, so imagine your blogstress's dismay when, this morning, she found an item from Hotline posted there, as if they had broken the story, about the delegates to the Republican National Convention chanting "Watch Fox News!" on the convention floor.


The discerning readers of AddieStan, of course, were hip to the chant two--count 'em, two--days ago, thanks to your blogstress's powers of observation and aural fixation.


See postings from August 31st, item titled, "Fair and balanced".

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The anti-Obama

Alan Keyes talks to AddieStan

about Mary Cheney, sex organs and journalists


NEW YORK, NY--After Dick Cheney concluded his manly-man speech, your blogstress made for the door; a nicotine break was surely in order. And as she re-entered the building (after removing all her jewelry and her black leather jacket and opening her handbag and all but displaying her fillings), who should your cyberscribe run into but Alan Keyes, the erstwhile Senate candidate, late of Illinois. Earlier today, Mr. Keyes kicked up some dust when, during an interview with Sirius radio (see "Republican Party Imploding" on Daily Kos), he described the vice president's lesbian daughter, Mary Cheney, as a "selfish hedonist", a charge that brought an immediate response from the Log Cabin Republicans, who "blasted" Mr. Keyes for condemning the child of a candidate. (See the Washington Blade).


"First of all, that is not what happened," Mr. Keyes told your Webwench as she followed him out of the building, tape recorder angled at her subject's face. So she asked him to set the record straight. "What happened is that I gave an exposition, which is quite accurate, as to the justification for the Republican [platform] plank that opposes gay marriage because gay sexual relations are about the self-gratification of the parties involved who are using the organs intended for procreation for pleasure. That is to say, selfish hedonism. That's a description, not a pejorative. And that kind of a foundation, that kind of understanding of sexual relations is incompatible with marriage which, in heterosexual relations, is pointed toward childbearing, child-rearing and family. And that involves not just pleasure and self-gratification, but sacrifice, pain--a life-long commitment--


"Does that--," your cybertrix tried to interject.


"Now let me finish," the ambassador continued, and then picked up exactly where he left off. "--and that includes all the ups and downs of life to the rearing and strengthening of the child and the family. So, if you can't procreate, then you cannot, in principle, marry. And two men, two women--they can't in principle procreate, therefore in principle they can't marry."


We had now crossed 33rd Street, making a turn to take us toward Seventh Avenue. Your blogstress tried once again to challenge this logic.
"Let me finish," he said. "Then, because you asked how it happened--then the journalists--so called--who were asking me the questions, they mentioned Mary Cheney, and they asked if that would apply to her. Of course, since I was giving a definition of homosexual relations, then homosexual relations would apply to her. I don't think we can exempt our own people--children, friends--from the logic that supports the party's platform. And to do so would be claiming special privileges for ourselves that are not justified. So it's really very simple. And it was not a pejorative; it was simply a description. But, of course, the way the media operates today--you know what happens."


So much for our gay friends in the red states.


"Well, the thing I'm wondering about the logic of your position," said your blogstress, "is, if two married people are found unable to have children, should they not be able to have sex?"


"What I said very carefully was--


"Yeah," your cyberscribe replied, "'in principle'--I got you--"


"--in principle cannot marry, Individual decisions, individual health situations, they do not change in principle the understanding of marriage. But if you take two people who cannot in principle procreate and you say that they are married, you have changed the meaning of marriage, and that is unacceptable to the overwhelming majority of Americans. Every time it is put to the people of this country, they say no to this change in the fundamental social institution because they understand how devastating it could be."


One would hope the party genius who recruited Keyes to run against Barack Obama is about to lose his job. Everything the party pooh-bahs had hoped to avoid talking about in public--abortion, queers, sex--has been thrust (if we may use such a vulgar term) back into the spotlight as schtick in the Alan Keyes sideshow.


Note the use of the word "schtick" as a description, not a pejorative.


Canine capers

Your blogstress turned back, once again subjecting herself to a near strip-search to get back into the Garden, whereupon she stumbled on Triumph the Insult Dog, encircled by members of numerous law-enforcement outfits, baiting one of the actual bomb-sniffing canines. At that, Triumph was quite effective, and everybody was quite jolly about it.


He then asked a Secret Service type to talk to him on camera, and the poor guy didn't get a word in edgewise. (Would love to see Triumph interview Alan Keyes.)


"I've got a pound of marijuana up my butt," said the puppet to the G-man, who didn't crack a smile. "Have you seen Robert Novak? I want him to point out all the undercover CIA agents to me."


Now your blogstress is off to Tavern on the Green. Will report in later this morning, after a few hours of delicate blogstress sleep.

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