Monday, August 16, 2004

Everbody to get from street!

This just in from the Department of Homeland Security (c/o Frank Gilligan, your blogstress's comrade in vigilance and partner in musical crimes):

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Homeland Secretary Tom Ridge confirmed today that Al Qaeda operatives have compromised the security of voting machines throughout the United States of America. The secretary warns of a massive domestic terror event that is imminent on November 2, 2004. According to credible and confirmed sources, a catastrophic attack can be triggered by selecting the names of candidates whose party affiliation is marked "D", or "Democratic". Security analysts believe that this is due to the limited knowledge of the English language of the terrorists, who have confused "Democratic" with "Democracy", an avowed target of global terrorist organizations.

The secretary warns all Americans to only select "R" or "Republican" candidates to assure their own safety, and the safety of all American citizens.

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